


Sex ed Hogwarts style

by amlago



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Sex Education, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amlago/pseuds/amlago
Summary: Once a year the head of houses have a meeting with their third year students. They all tackle it differently, but they all boils down to the same thing, sex ed.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	1. Hufflepuff

"Now, the important thing to remember is that there's nothing to be embarrassed about." Sprout smiles at the blushing students. "Now that you're teens your bodies will start to change and it's natural to feel the urge to explore these changes. But, I want you to be careful so you won't get hurt or ends up hurting someone else. We will therefore go over what you must think of before having sex and why this is important."

Next follows an hour long graphic lecture over what can go wrong, at the end most of the students are either green or pale. Sprout smiles at the slightly traumatized students, well aware that it will be at least a year before they even think of going further than holding hands and perhaps a kiss. But just to be certain she takes out a box.

"Next we will be going over the different types of potions, creams and other things that might come in handy one day, and then I'll answer any questions that you might have."


	2. Gryffindor

"There will be no tomfoolery in the dorms, I expect you to behave at all times. Hands will be above the waist," she gives them a disapproving look. "While I am aware that times have changed and you might go on dates with someone you're not betrothed with, I do not approve. If I hear anything that might hint about you fooling around, I will put a chastity spell on you and inform your guardians."

She ignores the groans and giggling, mentally reminding herself to once again try and convince Dumbledore that this should be an actual class.

"Now, I have some pamphlets that you will read that will answer any questions that you might have, and I expect to have a two feet summary no later than three weeks from now."


	3. Ravenclaw

"Gather round, I hope that you all read the booklet that was left at your bed. We will now go over it chapter per chapter and discuss what's written." He smiles at the blushing but eager students. "Please come by me later in case you're interested in the mating of other magical races, I have a couple of books in my office that you can borrow. But now we will discuss the way wizards and witches mate. Now, who has a question about chapter one; Foreplay?"

He smiles as about half of them raise their hand.

"Just so you know, if we don't have time to discuss everything now we can continue next week and feel free to ask one of the older students if something isn't clear. Remind me to show you the diagrams when we get to chapter four, they're really good!"


	4. Slytherin

"Now that you're teens you're going to turn into hormonally dunderheads with sex on the brain." He gives them a look. "You will read the book and if you have any questions you will address them to Pomfrey. Or if you're feeling adventurous you can ask one of the older students."

He pauses and makes sure that they're focused on what he's saying.

"For your information, I don't care what you do it don't do as long as everyone involved is consenting and willing. But! If you're stupid enough to get caught in one of the broom closets or anywhere else you will suffer the consequence." He holds something up. "This here is a memory where our headmaster holds a rambling monologue about young love, it's over two hours long. I will make you suffer through it if you get caught. If that doesn't help I also have one where he gets into a discussion with his brother about goats, trust me when I say that you don't want to see if hear it. No one has so far been stupid enough to get caught a third time, so until that happens I will keep the punishment a secret. Dismissed!"


End file.
